betterhimymendings:

Ted is at the sidewalk in front of Robins apartament and someone accidentaly runs over him with a big car. The person gets out of the car to apologize and see if he’s ok and she’s the mother’s doppelganger.

Submitted by anonymous

peachxpit:

accept death. befriend death. take death out for dinner. marry death. marry a death who reads

(Source: eiufiundkjn)

purifyed:

TALL BOYS WITH PRETTY EYES AND DEEP VOICES AND MESSY HAIR WHO SMIRK A LOT ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

algebra is like a 4n language to me

stabs:

it’s kind of weird knowing that when you sleep, you’re just looking at your eyelids but somewhere in your brain, you are able to produce dreams as if you’re still awake.  

graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen
graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.
  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.   These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.   You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.   Things that were private, now made public.

Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen

graciehagen:

cry·ing  /ˈkrī-iNG/ - the act is defined as a complex secretomotor phenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures.

  In an age where nudity is less vulnerable than genuine emotions, I wanted to explore an aspect of peoples lives that are hidden.
  These are the faces of the intentionally vulnerable. They’re showing you a part of themselves that is usually saved for their loved ones or even sometimes, just themselves.
  You don’t know why they are crying, but you know that this is a rare look into a stranger’s most personal moments.
  Things that were private, now made public.
Secretomotor Phenomenon series by Gracie Hagen

2otaku4u:

THERE ARE TWO MEN WHO HAVE ESCAPED JAIL AND ARE TRYING TO HIDE. POLICE ARE EVERYWHERE. LOCK ALL OF YOUR DOORS, WINDOWS, AND DO NOT LET ANYONE OUTSIDE OR INSIDE. STAY ARMED, THEY MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GUNS.
PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST AND REBLOG AS FUCKING MUCH AS YOU CAN.

ermathursty:

saw this tip jar at my Dairy Queen today and lost it at tipiosa